I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
