The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
