Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
