Plan B is the new Plan A
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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