i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
