You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
