He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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