Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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