In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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