You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
