I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
