just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
