My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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