omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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