community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
