It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
