I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
