Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
