it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
