What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
