What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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