Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
