Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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