im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He felt like a one man threesome
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
