Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
