GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
