if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
birth control should be required to get into college
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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