Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
