So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
