Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
