my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
