It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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