Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
false alarm. still invincible.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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