I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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