Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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