i don't like sucking hair
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
