Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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