Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
