I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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