Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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