You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
