shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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