hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
