i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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