i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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