remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How external is "for external use only"?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
