you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
