Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
