I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
