The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just found puke in my bra..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
