my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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