Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
