wrigley field is MILF paradise
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
