I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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