she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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