Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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