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You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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