FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
