batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
