ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
