Have you finally orgasmed yet?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
