YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Randomize
