Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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