dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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